There are places I don't need to go.
It's the time of year when I really feel like I should be someplace else. The whole winter wonderland thing has worn off. If I were an ice fisherman or snowmobiler, maybe I'd be happy as a clam, but honestly, I've spent so much of my life wet and cold in the course of earning a living, I just am not feeling it recreationally.
Understand, I don't always go someplace else – budgets and schedules sometimes dictate I hunker down here on the prairie until spring, but a man's gotta dream.
That may well be my life motto.
It's a big world, with so many places to see. I spent a couple nights on the internet looking for houses for sale in the Caribbean. Checking the weather, I found places where the yearly high temperature was 80 degrees, and the low was 75. For some reason, that called to me. The only problem is that we can't move to the Caribbean unless all the grandchildren come with us, and six-bedroom villas are a little pricy. Plus, western Minnesota may have 150-degree temperature swings, but we don't have hurricanes, earthquakes, dangerous snakes or volcanos. So, you know, tradeoffs.
I can cross other places off my list as well. For instance, in Darwin, Australia there's an animal park with an attraction named “The Cage of Death.” For a modest fee, you can get into a plastic cage and be lowered into a swimming pool with 18-foot saltwater crocodiles. The brochure says you should just ignore the toothmarks on the plastic.
Not gonna happen.
If you cross hurricanes volcanos and deadly reptiles off the list, the world gets a little smaller.
Staying as far away as possible from those hazards, I found the country of Turkmenistan. No snakes, but instead a feature called “The Door to Hell.” A half century ago geologists were searching for natural gas and drilled through the ceiling of a huge cavern. It collapsed and started leaking poison gas. For some reason, someone dropped a match and a fire two hundred feet across ignited, and it's been burning ever since. I'm sure it's very interesting, but even though I've lived a pretty placid life, I'm staying as far away as possible from anything named “The Door to Hell.” And it's none of my business, but I'd suggest the Turkmenistan tourist board workshop a different name.
Then maybe they could give some tips to the tourism folks in Bolivia, where they have a 43-mile-long road through the mountains that’s so narrow and crooked around 300 people DIE each year trying to drive it. That particular highway is named “Death Road.” I'm sure Bolivia is a lovely country, but do you think I'm going to take the chance on making a wrong turn and ending up on Death Road? Over the years, my wife and I have had occasional moments of friction over navigation errors. I can't imagine the conversation if I accidentally turned onto Death Road.
You know, it's already the middle of February, which means Spring is right around the corner. Maybe I'll just stay home.
Copyright 2025 Brent Olson
France is pretty nice, and it's not that cold in the south. OK I've never been there in January, February or March, but it's lovely in April. But aren't most places north of the equator lovely in April? It's a conundrum to be sure. A friend of mine has gone to Texas for February. She hates it but it's warm. I'll just join you in hunkering at home and look forward to my holiday in France in June!
Nicely done Brent. You could fall into a pit adjacent to the Colosseum.