While I drove, my wife was reading the news to me. She told me about a judge who had to apologize for chewing out a man who 'd been cited for a messy lawn. Turns out the guy was dealing with cancer and wasn’t physically capable of doing much lawn maintenance.
“She should have read her Walt Whitman – be curious, not judgmental. If she’d just asked some questions, she wouldn’t have been embarrassed.”
“No, she knew,” my wife said. “They told her during the hearing, but she yelled at him anyway.”
“Oh,” I said, “so she wasn’t sorry for what she said, she was sorry she got caught.”
“Yes.”
There’s a lot of that going around.
It should be its own greeting card category.
I can see it all now. Right between the Confirmation and Anniversary card sections, you could have a “I’m Sorry, But Only Because I Got Caught” section. I’m predicting it could be a big, big seller.
Other underserved demographics are out there in the greeting card biz.
For instance, a line of cards under the category, “I Have No Idea Who You Are, But You Gave Me Five Dollars for Graduation.” I’d sell them for a dollar, so the kids could turn a profit from the whole cap and gown thing. Those cards could go both ways, such as “I Haven’t Seen You Since You Were Four, But Here’s Five Bucks.”
Now, obviously, this has never crossed my mind, but maybe there’d be a market for cards like, “Your Baby Isn’t That Cute, But We’ll All Pretend.” I know, I know - all babies are supposed to be beautiful, but it’s been my experience that’s only true if you award some points for potential. Why pretend otherwise?
I understand that the greeting card aisle is not known for being a hotbed of brutal honesty, but times change. Heaven knows, there’s some room for honesty in the world.
How about, “Happy Retirement. It’s About Time and, Honestly, in a Month, No One Will Remember Your Name.”
We wouldn’t need different sections for everything. In the Anniversary section, there could just be more choices. Something like, “Man, Nobody Thought You Would Last This Long,” and “We Only Like One of You, But You Can Share This Card Anyway.” My personal favorite would be, “If You Need to Do Something Drastic, I’ll Pay Your Bail.”
I’ve strayed a little from my original plan. My inspiration came from a rude judge, but, really, we could easily widen it to all elected officials and bureaucrats. I think an exceedingly popular card would be, “We Know This New Policy Is Just a Sneaky Way to Help Rich People. You’re Not Fooling Anyone.” Maybe that’s a little long. Instead, how about, “We All Know You’re a Crook. Try to Be OUR Crook.” Bulk mailings could be set up for elected officials to stay in touch with their constituents. In staying with our honesty theme, let’s try, “I’m Not Suited for a Real Job, So Please Help Me Stay in Office” or “Five Indictments, NO Convictions...Vote for Experience!”
"I can see it all now. Right between the Confirmation and Anniversary card sections, you could have a “I’m Sorry, But Only Because I Got Caught” section. I’m predicting it could be a big, big seller. "
Very funny but it would never sell! That would require insight and alas these people have none.
Card “vote for me: The politicians have stolen your money for years- now I would like a turn.”
Brent, very funny.
Loved it.
Love this one !
"I can see it all now. Right between the Confirmation and Anniversary card sections, you could have a “I’m Sorry, But Only Because I Got Caught” section. I’m predicting it could be a big, big seller. "
Very funny but it would never sell! That would require insight and alas these people have none.